Archive for September, 2008

Happy Equinox!

September 22, 2008


© Jan L. Richardson ◊The Painted Prayerbook◊

Happy equinox to you! Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we’re marking the autumnal equinox; happy vernal equinox to everyone in the southern half of the globe. Though I tend to think of the whole day as the equinox, it actually happens at a particular moment, specifically, the point when the sun is directly above the earth’s equator. Today that occurred at 3:44 PM GMT.

Darkness and daylight come in nearly equal measure on this day. It’s a good occasion to think about balance and how we find that in our lives. In a nice bit of timing, I’ve just wrapped up a season that involved lots of traveling. The trips were great, providing a good measure of work and retreat and play, often involving some of my favorite folks in this world. Still, I’m glad to be heading into a season in which I’ll be home more than I’m away. It’s time to hunker down and get back to work on a new book that’s due next year, and to attend to other things that only get done when I’m home for a stretch of time.

A while back I realized that it’s not balance I’m looking for in my life—at least not the kind of balance that implies a stasis and sameness to my days. That gets boring right quick. I tend to think more in terms of finding a rhythm of life that sustains me in the work (and the rest) to which I’m called. Some seasons are more intense than others, as with my summer of traveling; it’s great, but it’s not a pace I can keep through the year. Yet I can’t go for too long of a stretch of being at home, either; the walls start to close in.

Finding the rhythm that fits for me is part of my ongoing work. It can be a real challenge since the rhythm I need changes from season to season. But on this equinoctial occasion, I celebrate the gifts that come with each season, and the freedom to find the rhythms that bring wholeness to these days.

In the Carmina Gadelica, the collection of prayers gathered by Alexander Carmichael in Scotland in the 19th century, we find a prayer called “Jesus the encompasser” that strikes me as a good fit for this day. It reads, in part:

My Christ! my Christ! my shield, my encircler,
Each day, each night, each light, each dark;
My Christ! my Christ! my shield, my encircler,
Each day, each night, each light, each dark.

Be near me, uphold me, my treasure, my triumph,
In my lying, in my standing, in my watching, in my sleeping.
Jesu, Son of Mary! my helper, my encircler,
Jesu, Son of David! my strength everlasting;
Jesu, Son of Mary! my helper, my encircler,
Jesu, Son of David! my strength everlasting.

By day and by dark, blessings to you.

Where God Grows

September 21, 2008


Where God Grows © Jan L. Richardson

Reading from the Gospels, Year A, Proper 21/Ordinary 26/Pentecost +15: Matthew 21.23-32

My sweetheart Gary and I spent much of this past week leading a retreat for a wondrous group of folks who were recently commissioned as ministers in the Florida Conference of the United Methodist Church. The retreat took place in Lake Wales at Bok Tower and Gardens, a piece of paradise about an hour and a half south of my home. I hadn’t been there since I was a young child. The first couple of days, I had a vague awareness that something seemed enchanting and familiar about the landscape in that part of the state. Then it struck me: it was the orange groves.

I grew up in north central Florida, in a small community that has preserved the landscape of “old Florida” in a fashion that has become rare. I’m a native Floridian several generations over; my great-grandfather was one of the settlers of the town I grew up in. With his sons he established a farm that remains in operation, and that has helped the town to preserve its rural landscape.

For decades, citrus was one of the mainstays of the farm, and it pervaded the culture of that region. Acres of groves stretched through my hometown and the surrounding area. Just to the south of us were groves whose owner had a citrus shop on the highway that looked out over Orange Lake. (A sign outside the shop proclaimed, “See the famous red bats!” Walking a little way into the grove by the shop, one would come to a small cage that contained…two red baseball bats.) At Silver Springs, a longtime attraction in nearby Ocala, the gift shop offered a plethora of citrus-related items, including pottery infused with the scent of orange blossoms.

Navel oranges were my favorite, and winter always found a bag or two of them stashed outside our back door, staying cool through the season. Fresh orange juice made frequent appearances at our breakfast table, and I loved it when Dad would take a sharp knife, peel an orange and slice it in half for me, and I would sink my teeth into its flesh.

Winter also brought the threat of freezing temperatures and the call that would come late at night, summoning all hands to fire the groves. Too young to join in, I envied my older sister and brother who got to participate in what I imagined to be the excitement of lighting the kerosene heaters that preserved the trees in those freezing nights. I assumed there would be a time when I would be old enough to go.

In the 1980s, a particularly bad freeze hit the groves. The heaters were not enough. We lost the trees, and the landscape of my hometown was forever altered. At the time, I had little awareness of what a loss it was. But these days I miss the presence of the flourishing groves. Even here in Orlando, located in “Orange” County a couple hours south of my hometown, citrus groves are hard to come by, many of them having given way to housing developments. Still, memories of the groves of my childhood linger in my imagination. Visiting Lake Wales this week stirred those memories, conjuring that landscape both real and mythic where the roots of my history remain.

My experience of those citrus groves helps me grasp the presence of the vineyard in next Sunday’s gospel lection. Matthew 21.23-32 is the second in a series of three lections containing parables about vineyards. The repetition got me intrigued and set me to pondering the place of the vineyard not only in this section of Matthew’s gospel but also in the whole of scripture. What is it that Jesus is calling upon here, in his repeated use of this image as a dramatic setting for his storytelling?

In Jesus’ time, the vineyard held a place in the culture that was not only real, being so prevalent in the landscape in that part of the world, but also mythic; it tapped into the people’s collective imagination with a constellation of meanings and associations. In the Bible, vines and vineyards stand for the people of Israel, as in Psalm 80, where the psalmist writes of how God brought a vine out of Egypt, and Isaiah 5, where, in a passage called “The Song of the Unfruitful Vineyard,” the prophet laments, “For the vineyard of the Lord of hosts is the house of Israel, and the people of Judah are his pleasant planting; he expected justice, but saw bloodshed; righteousness, but heard a cry!” Vineyards can be a place of danger; Judges 21 offers the chilling story of how men of the tribe of Benjamin hide themselves in the vineyards of Shiloh, emerging to capture the young women who have come out to dance, and carrying them off as wives. And vineyards are a place of delight, which is nowhere as evident as in the Song of Songs: “Come, my beloved,” the bride sings in chapter 7, “…let us go out early to the vineyards, and see whether the vines have budded….”

The vineyard offers elemental metaphors of fertility and fruitfulness. It is, at times, a profoundly feminine image, as in the Song of Songs, where it becomes identified with the bride’s own body. The vineyard is a place where both labor and love take place. Though it may be a place of harm, as we will see with particular clarity in next week’s gospel lection, it is a space where right relation becomes possible, as evidenced between the lovers in the Song, between God and the people of Israel, and, as we will see in John’s gospel, between Jesus and his followers (“I am the vine, you are the branches”).

For Jesus’ hearers, the vineyard grew not only in the landscape of their daily lives but also in a mythic landscape that stretched back for generations: the book of Genesis tells us that Noah was the first to plant a vineyard. Its tendrils also twined forward into a future where redemption would take place: “I will restore the fortunes of my people Israel,” God says in Amos 9.14; “…they shall plant vineyards and drink their wine….”

In setting this trio of parables in vineyards, Jesus subtly conjures all these associations. Though his hearers likely would not have consciously thought of each of these layers of meaning as he told these stories, the fact that the image of the vineyard was deeply embedded in their personal and collective memory would have shaped their reception of these parables.

All this has me wondering about how we hear the parables of Jesus in a context where so many of us live so distant from the settings that grounded his stories. I’ve spent little time in vineyards, save for the small bower of muscadine and scuppernong grapes that grew in my grandparents’ yard. Having grown up among the groves, however, I can appreciate how a landscape roots itself in one’s imagination, how it intertwines with personal and shared history, how it can be so easily evoked decades later, how it helps me enter into certain stories.

How do we hear these sacred stories that are rooted in an agrarian landscape that fewer and fewer of us inhabit? How do we receive the imagery of the Bible when we are cut off from so many of the sources that imbue those images with meaning? Think of them: not only vineyards, but also pastures, flocks, wellsprings, gardens, fields. And not only agrarian images, but other images as well that speak to what it means to be community together. What does the idea of church as a household mean, when home life for many folks is a fragmented experience? And what does the table of Communion conjure, when families eat in shifts as their schedules demand, or when we eat alone?

It would be easy, perhaps, to slide into a rant about how we’ve lost the sources that nourish our imagination, to lament how so much of our 21st century culture has divorced itself from the landscapes, both real and metaphorical, that cultivate a mythic memory. I’m not particularly interested in ranting here (though I’m not above tilting into a good one once in a while). I’m more interested in asking questions about how we in the church work to create spaces and rituals that cultivate the imagination, that nourish and call on our collective memory, that lay down the layers of sensory experience that help us connect with the sacred stories our tradition gives us.

I am alarmed by churches that, in an attempt to be welcoming to newcomers, strip their spaces of the symbols and rituals that link us to our shared story. I understand and affirm the desire to create a hospitable space for those who are unfamiliar with the terrain, but I don’t think we do this best by erasing the environment that helps evoke the stories.

We don’t tell the story well by trying to be overly efficient about it, either. I was talking recently with someone who lamented how her church rarely celebrates Communion, out of a belief that there’s “not enough time” to give to this central ritual that, when well done, engages every one of our senses, and thereby takes hold of us in a way that hearing alone, or seeing alone, cannot.

In a culture where so many of us are separated from the experiences and images that imbued Jesus’ hearers with understanding, our church communities can be places that provide other kinds of experiences that still link our senses, our memories, and our imaginations with our sacred texts. How do we draw one another into the mythic spaces that the scriptures offer? How do we ground one another’s hearing and reading of these scriptures in experiences that involve our seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, tasting? How do we cultivate a landscape that lingers in the memory like a vineyard, a grove, a space that, decades later, can still conjure a connection with the Divine who dwells both in the imagination and in daily life?

In telling this parable about the father who asks his sons to work in the vineyard, Jesus makes the poetic and prophetic point that the kingdom of God is open to all, including those whom many of Jesus’ hearers would have considered unworthy: prostitutes, tax collectors. He insists that even—and especially—those who have spent most of their lives pursuing other intentions belong in this space of redemption, relationship, fruitfulness, and delight. For all its seeming orderliness, the vineyard is a place of God’s wild grace. Perhaps only those who know the deep, unsated hunger that the world instills can ever, finally, understand and receive that.

In our 21st century world, how do we convey this kind of grace that God extends to all? How do we describe and evoke the ways that God calls us to give ourselves not only to the labor but also the delight that the image of the vineyard conjures? How does this parable resonate in your own memory and imagination? With what images, practices, and rituals do you invite others to connect with our sacred stories?

These aren’t rhetorical questions; I’d love to hear how you do this, or how you long to. It seems an especially fruitful time to ponder these questions in this month when, in the northern hemisphere, the harvesting of wine grapes is taking place, often accompanied with festivals. (The fact of which gave rise to September’s full moon being known as the “Wine Moon” in some quarters.) In this season, may the wild grace of God make itself known through all your senses. Blessings.

[To use the “Where God Grows” image, please visit this page at janrichardsonimages.com. Your use of janrichardsonimages.com helps make the ministry of The Painted Prayerbook possible. Thank you!]

A Vineyard of One’s Own

September 14, 2008


© Jan L. Richardson ◊The Painted Prayerbook◊

One of the cool things about going to The Grünewald Guild each summer is that it offers an opportunity to see what other artists are doing. One of the challenging things about going to the Guild each summer is that it offers an opportunity to see what other artists are doing. Coming into contact with creative folks is a two-edged sword: even as it supplies inspiration and camaraderie in a vocation that requires much solitude, it can also provide an opening for envy to seep in.

Take my friend Gilly. Gilly regularly comes over from England to teach at the Guild. As if having a fabulous accent weren’t enough, she’s also a fantastic artist. Much of Gilly’s work involves painting on fabric. Oftentimes, really big pieces of fabric. In churches, in her local theological school, and in other settings, Gilly creates large-scale pieces that both evoke and invoke a sense of the sacred.

Folks who teach at the Guild have an opportunity to give an evening presentation in which we share what we’ve been working on. This year, Gilly offered a PowerPoint presentation that contained images of her work, both in progress and completed. I was taken in particular by a series of large painted fabric pieces inspired by St. Patrick’s Breastplate, that remarkable prayer for protection attributed to the patron saint of Ireland. As Gilly described creating the pieces, and how she has used them with groups, I felt a stab of envy. For nearly a year the main artwork I’ve done has been the collages for this blog, which are 3 x 4 inches. I love working small right now. Particularly after completing a commission last year that was 4½ x 6½ feet, took nearly two years to do, and was a real trick to create in my 300 square foot studio apartment, the wee collages have been a wonderful way to explore some new directions and techniques in a more manageable and intimate fashion. But listening to Gilly, and seeing her images, it was hard not to compare. I envied her talent, her vision, her access to a church and a school where she could explore and offer her gifts. I envied her having a space that enabled her to create such large pieces.

I’ve been thinking about Gilly as I’ve pondered next Sunday’s gospel lection, Matthew 20.1-16. This passage is part of the conversation that Jesus has with the disciples following his encounter with the rich young man who asks him what good deed he must do in order to have eternal life. In talking with the disciples, Jesus tells a parable about a vineyard owner who hires laborers in the early morning, making an agreement to pay them the usual wage. He goes out to hire laborers again at 9:00, noon, 3:00, and 5:00, telling them he will pay them what is fair. When quitting time comes in the evening, the owner begins to pay them, starting with those he has most recently hired and working his way back to those he brought in first. Hearing that he paid the latecomers the full daily wage, the early birds are full of anticipation, then seething with resentment when he pays them the same wage. When they begin to grumble, he reminds one of the workers of their agreement. “Take what belongs to you,” the vineyard owner says, “and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?” I like how the King James Version renders that last question: “Is thine eye evil, because I am good?”

In talking about this parable, we often use it as a way to describe not only the wideness of God’s mercy but also the wildness of it. We acknowledge how God’s sense of justice doesn’t always match our own, and how the grace of God is lavish and limitless, extending in an equally drenching measure to each person, irrespective of status. We admit that we don’t always understand the way that God’s love works, and that we are sometimes embarrassed by how much greater and deeper God’s generosity is than our own.

Even as I know and acknowledge these things, and am aware of how God tends to work with such incomprehensible mystery, I find myself lingering with the complaint of the first-come workers. The owner is right, of course; it’s his prerogative, he’s paid them the wage they agreed upon, they have no real cause for griping just because someone else got a sweeter deal. All the same, I resonate with their sense of indignation. I want to fix it for them. And not by negotiating with the owner for better wages. Rather, I find myself wanting to step into the story and say to the workers, “Oh, for Pete’s sake, get your own darned vineyard!”

I recognize the class issues that might have precluded day laborers’ purchasing a vineyard in that society. But for me, pondering this passage here in my 21st-century life, Jesus’ parable prompts me to ask, What does it look like to cultivate a vineyard of one’s own? How do we create a place in our lives where we aren’t beholden to others, subject to their whims? Where do we experience the freedom and the focus to tend a vision that God has given us, using all the gifts that God has provided us?

I’m not suggesting that cultivating one’s own vineyard means giving up the structures that provide income and some measure of security and stability. (I’m not suggesting it doesn’t, either.) As someone whose call led me to a nontraditional ministry that involves raising my entire income, I’m really clear about the kind of discernment that needs to go into making the big decisions about what work we will give our hands to, and how we will find support to do this, and what kind of structure we need. Yet whatever field God calls us to labor in, God also calls us to cultivate a space of freedom, a place where we have room to explore and discover and create what will bring sustenance and delight for ourselves and for the world—as vineyards are meant to do. I’ve found that creating such a place often involves piecing it together a scrap at a time. In forming connections, in cultivating relationships that sustain us, in moments of insight and inspiration, in making creative choices, in becoming clear about the work that’s uniquely ours to do, in doing whatever is necessary to do that work, in finding allies who can help us: in each action, we find another patch of the vineyard to which God beckons us.

Obsessing about what others are doing and constantly comparing our work to theirs distracts us from our own work of cultivation. Left unchecked, envy saps our energy, robs our creative focus, and eats us alive. I appreciate the way that Bonnie Friedman writes about this in her book Writing Past Dark: Envy, Fear, Distraction, and Other Dilemmas in the Writer’s Life. She asks,

What is this thing that can take the best from us and yet remain unsatisfied? When I think of envy, I think of Pharaoh’s lean cows [from Pharaoh’s dream in Genesis 41]. They eat up the healthy ones—cannibals, those cows!—yet they remain as skinny as ever, so that, the Bible tells us, ‘when they had eaten them up, it could not be known that they had eaten them; but they were still ill favored, as at the beginning.’ I’ve always felt sorry for those cows. We’re told they’re poor and lean-fleshed, emaciated and ugly. They feed, but cannot digest. They are unhealthy desire incarnate.

Friedman closes her chapter on envy by writing, “The antidote to envy is one’s own work. Always one’s own work. Not the thinking about it. Not the assessing of it. But the doing of it. The answers you want can come only from the work itself. It drives the spooks away.”

Maybe that’s what Jesus is trying to say, really, in telling this parable about the vineyard. He wants to remind his hearers that whatever circumstances we are in, we find a measure of power in staying focused on discerning and doing the work that is ours to do. Cultivating that quality and depth of attention is its own kind of vineyard.

The stab of envy can be painful, but its knife has a way of laying us bare and revealing to us what we need to work on. It’s a tool for cultivating the vineyard. When I acknowledge the presence of envy and let it do its piercing work for a limited time, it opens up room both to explore new directions that other artists inspire me toward, and also to renew my commitment to what I am uniquely called to do.

Who knows, maybe one day I’ll get desperate enough to knock out one of the walls of this cozy apartment, unroll a bolt of fabric over the side until it touches the driveway below, and start painting. Until then, I’m keeping my eye on these bits of painted paper, piecing them together inch by inch. There’s a vineyard in here somewhere.

How about you? Does envy surface in your own life? What triggers it? What message or invitation does it hold for you? What kind of vineyard are you cultivating, or longing to? Who can help? Whom can you help to do this?

Wishing you peace and sustenance and delight as you tend what is yours.

Seventy Times Seven and Nine-Eleven

September 7, 2008


Seventy Times Seven © Jan L. Richardson

Reading from the Gospels, Year A, Proper 19/Ordinary 24/Pentecost +13: Matthew 18.21-35

Well, now that I’m back from my long weekend with the Labor Day chicks, I have to face it: summer is over. Though it’s still hot as blazes here in Florida, returning from my time with the women means it’s time to shift into a new rhythm. There’s much to look forward to in the fall, but the transition is a bit bittersweet.

The calendar of the liturgical year, however, tells us that we’re still in the season of Ordinary Time. We have nearly three more months of it, in fact. Though we’ve been navigating this season for a good while, the gospel lections aren’t getting any easier. If anything, they’re growing more challenging. Ordinary Time takes us into the heart of Jesus’ teachings, where there is plenty to stretch and sometimes stump us. Next Sunday’s gospel lection provides an excellent case in point.

This passage follows on last week’s reading, which Jesus concluded by assuring us that wherever two or three are gathered in his name, he is in our midst. Peter, however, doesn’t allow us to linger in that moment. He knows that such concord and communion will not be a constant state among Christ’s followers. And so Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” In the Bible, the number seven is often used to signify perfection, completeness, wholeness: seven days in the first story of creation, the seven pillars of Wisdom’s house, seven churches in the book of Revelation. Mark and Luke tell us that Jesus cast out seven demons—a perfect complement—from Mary Magdalene. (“A demon for every day of the week,” Kathleen Norris writes, “how practical; how womanly.”) Yet when it comes to forgiveness, seven is not complete enough for Jesus. “Not seven times,” he says to Peter, “but, I tell you, seventy-seven [or seventy times seven] times.”

We sometimes hear this passage as referring to a situation where a person is persisting in sin, causing harm again and again, compelling our forgiveness anew with each occurrence. I wonder, though, whether Jesus is instead acknowledging that in the life of the community, we will sometimes have to make multiple attempts to forgive a single act of harm. I suspect that Jesus well knew that forgiveness is an act—and an art—that we would have to work at. Again. And again. And again.

In this passage, Peter is asking specifically about forgiveness in the context of one’s intimate community. The word he uses here, adelphos, refers to a brother or fellow believer. He’s talking about sin that comes by the hand of one who is part of our circle, our kindred. We sometimes feel this brokenness all the more sharply because it comes from a source so close to us, where there are habits of familiarity and bonds of trust. This kind of sin tests the connections of a community to the limit.

The word forgive comes from aphiemi, a Greek word with a rich constellation of meanings that extend to financial, relational, and physiological matters. Aphiemi can mean to remit, to give up a debt, to keep no longer. We can translate it as leave behind, let go, forsake, divorce. In Matthew 27.50, it’s what Jesus does with his spirit; he gives it up, releases it. Aphiemi is a powerful word that speaks of loosing our hold on something or someone, to renounce our claim to it.

To forgive someone involves a releasing, a letting go, that is countercultural. This kind of act goes against the grain of a society where one of the primary ways we gain power is by accruing debts owed to us, obligations not just of money but also of time, favors, and other things that we think are owed us.

Forgiveness is such a radical and challenging practice that, as is his way, Jesus has to tell a story to try to explain it. He describes a servant who owes his king a staggering sum of money that he cannot pay. The king threatens to sell him, his family, and all his possessions. Pleading with the king, the servant receives extravagant mercy but fritters it away when he refuses to forgive a small debt that a fellow servant owes him. When the king hears of it, he hands him over to be tortured until he pays his debt in full.

Jesus caps the parable by telling his listeners, “So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” It seems a harsh turn in the tale, with Jesus invoking an image of God as a torturer. Yet the truth is that it doesn’t take God to inflict pain on us for our refusal to forgive; suffering is a natural effect. The context of the parable makes sense, with its images of servitude, imprisonment, torture, and complex tiers of power. By what we refuse to forgive, we place ourselves in bondage.

Refusing to forgive someone who has harmed us often holds deep appeal because it is, in part, a path that seems to offer us a measure of control. This becomes particularly true in situations where the hurt has come from someone who has more overt power than we do. Our refusal to forgive may seem like the only way we can have any power. Yet as in the parable, our lack of forgiveness can eventually become a prison that not only holds the other person but our own selves.

Jesus never claims that forgiveness compels us to accept the behavior of one who has caused harm. He never tells us that forgiveness means saying that everything is okay or remaining with someone who persists in wounding us. In challenging us to forgive, he acknowledges that we may not be able to change the behavior of another, or to alter what they have done, but that we have power over how we will respond. To offer forgiveness means that we refuse to allow another’s sin to control us, to hold us, to bind us.

I’m intrigued that this parable should turn up in a week that holds the date of September 11. Amid the stark images and memories this anniversary stirs up, Jesus’ words remind me how important it is to persist in practicing the art of forgiveness, to work to keep my heart clear, to refuse to allow the destructiveness of another to colonize my soul. Forgiveness is an act that I can’t always conjure on my own. It instead requires a curious combination of work and grace. For my part, I have to cultivate an openness to the possibility. Sometimes it means asking to want to forgive, long before I actually do it, because I can’t always summon even the desire to forgive. But the forgiveness itself, that ability to release, to let go, to loose the bindings: that is purely the graceful work of God who does the same for me.

In this week of September 11, what might God be challenging you to loose your hold of? Is there pain, resentment, or anger occupying precious terrain in your heart? Is there any harm you are holding onto? Where is God in that for you? How might God be wanting to hold that for you, and to begin to release its hold on you?

In this and all weeks, blessings.

[To use the “Seventy Times Seven” image, please visit this page at janrichardsonimages.com. Your use of janrichardsonimages.com helps make the ministry of The Painted Prayerbook possible. Thank you!]